Journaling: My Favorite Way to Accumulate Empty Books
The First of Many
I have never been a big fan of journaling. I’ve always enjoyed writing, but never the pressure of chronological, open-ended, emotion-themed “free-writing.” There wasn’t enough structure, and the promise of insight or nostalgia was just too ambiguous a pay-off for me. But because journals have always been the perfect gift for the self-absorbed aspiring writer, I had hundreds. And they all began the exact same way: “This is the first of many entries to come.”
Declaring anything the “first of many” is a great way to ensure it’s the first, and last. It’s the literary equivalent of standing on the edge of a cliff in an area prone to avalanches and saying “Well, nothing could possibly go wrong now.” Both are clear invitations for self-fulfilling prophecy. But because I loved the concept of starting fresh with a clean slate, and the possibility of filling an entire book, every single journal I owned began with “This is the first of many entries to come,” and nearly all of them were 90% empty.
Editing
I was never entirely sure who journals were for. We were encouraged to keep them for ourselves, but their decorative, autobiographical nature suggested someone else might eventually read them. I often found myself writing for that imaginary audience. I recalled my past experiences in rosy retrospection, revising, embellishing and manipulating the details with the advantage of hindsight, until it read more like a story inspired by me than personal reflection. I once broke up with a boyfriend in a hurry while he was at the store. I threw only what I needed into a bag and fled. I remember making it to the end of the driveway and thinking “Shit! The journals!” before running back into retrieve them. I was petrified that he would find them, not out of a sense of privacy, but rather fear he wouldn’t appreciate how I’d re-written the characters.
Journaling for Personal Reflection
But how are the “other-centered”, non-liars using journals? Why is it so popular? Why does every single self-care blog seem to be pushing and praising the practice of regular journaling? What exactly is the point?
From what I can tell from pictures on other blogs, journaling is a way for beautiful people with an obscene amount of free time and solitude to reflect on their past experiences through writing, near scented candles and freshly cut herbs.
The first phase of their reflective period is spent sipping tea while looking out a window, and effortlessly transferring their historically accurate free-flowing thoughts to paper with a calligraphy pen.
The self-care aspect of journaling comes in the second phase, when this unemployed-yet-wealthy enigma speculates on what she’s written, looking for reoccurring themes, patterns of behavior previously overlooked, until POW! Clarity washes over her, and she is thrust into to the next stage of spiritual development. I imagine she also uses her journal to write down personal goals like ”Practice deep breathing” or “Buy more scented candles.” (I use the pronoun “she” because I have yet to see a journaling article targeted at men. But then again, he’s probably working long hours to pay off their scented candle debt.)
But seriously, who has time for that shit?!
You know what that sounds like? It sounds like the kind of stuff we pay therapists to do. I’m just not convinced the average person necessarily has the objectivity to see through all the fluff and extract the lesson. The ability to maintain a personal journal is in no way the equivalent of a degree in psychology. I’m all for taking realistic healthy initiatives, but counseling ourselves has a real “blind leading the blind” feel to it. If you’re going to try your hand at journaling for self-care, I suggest following a prompt (there are tons available online). This will help keep your journaling focused and purposeful.
Journaling Simplified
To get the most out of journaling, you should have a clear idea of what you are hoping to get out of it. If you are simply looking for a way to keep your hands busy, and an excuse to buy a blank book that says “The Best is Yet to Come” on the cover please refer to the previous paragraph. But if you’re anything like me, you just want to get to the meat and potatoes (or cauliflower substitute respectively.) So, let’s whittle it down and extract only what we need, so we can all get back to our lives.
If journaling is simply a catalyst to gaining perspective, then the only thing we really need to know is what we’re hoping to see differently. In my opinion, we are really just hoping to discover that the problems we thought were insurmountable weren’t, and that we survived them and can therefore survive other complications as they arise. Simple.
I came across one of my mostly-empty journals while cleaning my bedroom the other day and opened it to a page on which I’d made a list titled: “Things That at the Time Seemed Absolutely Unmanageable that Turned Out Not to Be.” This right here, is the only journaling prompt you will ever need.
The Illusion of Unmanageable
I couldn’t believe the things that had made it onto my “Unmanageable” list. They seemed almost laughable now. “Switching (my husband’s) car insurance from my mother-in-law’s policy to our own,” “paying off medical bills,” “establishing a co-parenting schedule with my ex.” But as ridiculous as they seemed now, these were the things keeping me up at night ten years ago. These were the impossible problems I was convinced I couldn’t handle. Next to each example on the list I’d scribbled a note upon each being resolved; “reluctantly agreed to take him off the policy,” “set up a payment plan,” “meeting was long but actually really productive, agreed to alternate weekends.” Seeing my struggles summarized and resolved so matter-of-factly was a huge eye-opener. These problems were never impossible at all! They were simply hurdles I hadn’t tackled yet. And seeing them all together in list-form kind of made me feel accomplished. If I’d tackled all these hurdles, the next ones don’t stand a chance!
Some of you may prefer the traditional romanticized, autobiographical version of journaling, and that’s totally fine. Enjoy your tea. But for those of you looking for a whittled-down, simplified version that gets to the nitty-gritty and can shift your perspective in a fraction of the time, I encourage you to start your own “unmanageable” list.
The practice of writing down what we’re struggling with, is not always about telling a story. It’s about acknowledging that the things that happen to us are not always congruent with our reaction to those things. Creating an alternative framework in which to look at these challenges can help us manage our emotions in the face of new challenges as they arise. When you are a less reactive person, you become a more proactive person. This is how we empower ourselves and turn the seemingly unmanageable into something we just haven’t managed yet.
So, grab a pen (and maybe just start with a Post-It) and take a little time to reevaluate, rebuild, and redefine.
With Love,
Mel
