What Color is Your Cape?
The Powers that Be
Many of us have fantasized about having superpowers, fighting for the good of mankind, fighting against the evils that seems to be lurking around every corner. Ironically, people love to remind us that the strength we seek exists within us. But if that were true, wouldn’t we feel more powerful?
If the strength that we desire, that we fantasize about when we imagine ourselves fighting against famine, or someone that hurts our family, when we imagine what it might feel like to stand up against an oppressor instead of just sitting back and watching it all unfold on the news, if all of that already exists within all of us, why do we feel so…average, so UN-powerful?
Choose Your Cape
Suppose you were given the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become that superhero you’ve always fantasized about becoming. Because those birthday candles finally worked, or the fist star in the sky was listening, or because of some penny you tossed in a fountain at the mall when you were 7, your wish was granted. It was done.
But there was one catch.
Suppose the catch was that the cape you selected, red or green, dictated that which you had superpowers over. If you chose the red cape, you would have superpowers to fight against the things you do not want, things like illness, poverty, violence or injustice. If you chose the green cape, you would have superpowers to fight for the things you do want, like health, cooperation, compassion, and justice.
Which would you choose?
It’s easy to identify all the things that need fixing, and the people that need saving. We are constantly being reminded of everything that is wrong and of all the ways we could be and should be doing more. When so many terrible things are happening in the world, and they seem to be coming at us from all directions, it’s hard to not feel like a target, and it’s difficult to not want to fight against that which targets us. From this point of view, it would be hard not to choose the red cape.
On the other hand, choosing the green cape could make the red cape entirely unnecessary. If we were to use our superpowers to fight for things like health, cooperation, compassion and justice wouldn’t there be less illness, poverty, violence and injustice to fight against? Choosing the green cape also sounds like it would be more fun. There is something very satisfying about working towards a positive goal. Doing the Choose Your Cape exercise really highlighted for me the extent to which I value positivity. There are times in my life when I am sure I would have chosen the red cape. Looking back, it’s clear that I have always had a passion to make a difference, and an innate desire to help and I had spent a considerable portion of my life identifying all the things I did not want. I’m just not sure I was yet able to identify a clear idea of what I what it was I did.
Self-Care is Not Selfish
I was so intrigued by the Choose Your Cape exercise that I called my mother to share it with her. As well as I like to think I know her, I couldn’t anticipate what color cape she would choose.
Without hesitation she indicated that she would choose the red cape. She explained that identifying problems in need of fixing is much easier than identifying positive goals to work towards. “It’s everywhere!” she’d said siting the prevalence of negativity in the media. She also felt that “fighting the negative” seemed more productive and noble, and she felt that ultimately it helped more people. I don’t know that I could choose the green cape,” she’d said. “Fighting for what I want just feels so…self-centered.”
I was so troubled to hear that she associated working towards things she wants as self-centered. It was a sobering reminder that so many people associate wanting with selfishness. I thought about how it had been so difficult for me to identify the things that I wanted, and wondered if I too had become complacent in the idea that wanting less of something for all, is somehow more important than wanted more for oneself. I wondered why there was such a negative connation to wanting.
Valuing and validating my wants, is an ongoing journey for me. I know what it’s like to feel powerless in the face of adversity, but I now have the insight to realize that it wasn’t until I turned my focus inward and began to explore who I was and what I valued enough to work towards, that I was able to evoke the confidence and the strength to stand for, and fight for anything at all.
Allowing ourselves the time and the space to look within and explore, giving ourselves permission to practice self-care, is never selfish. We don’t practice self-care instead of caring for others, we practice self-care to enable ourselves to better take care of others. Practicing regular self-care and making it an intentional part of our everyday lives restores in us the balance and perspective necessary to access that inner strength all those people keep telling us we already have.
It is the absence of that balance and perspective that results in our fluctuating wildly between red cape and green, letting the immediacy of danger or the practical availability of good dictate our direction in life, our sense of purpose, our mood. Feeling good and subsequently cultivating good in the world requires objective observation that comes from compassionate introspection.
The Reversible Cape
That strength has in fact been inside us all along, and we have always been wearing a cape. We’ve simply been fighting against what we don’t want for so long, that we’ve been depleted, and our capes have worn beyond recognition. Perhaps that’s why we never noticed they were in fact reversible.
Self-care in the form of regular meditation and mindfulness equips us with the balance we need to choose between the red and green side of our cape. But it is up to us to choose carefully and thoughtfully how to focus the strength that’s always been.
Have you ever known someone who genuinely believed the world was an evil place, that despite their best and noble efforts, nothing would ever turn out in their favor, they were destined to live with pain, misfortune and bad news? Without even knowing that person, I can confirm with 100% certainty that they are right. The same is true for those people who believe the world is mostly good, that while bad things tend to happen from time to time, good fortune ultimately prevails. These people are also, right. If you are looking for problems in the world, you will find them. If you are looking for opportunities, you will find them. We become the things we choose to focus on.
What we choose to give our attention to becomes the reality in which we live. So, you can see how narrowing your focus, and being in a constant mindset of fighting against the things you do not want, could distort your reality to accentuate all the good you do not have.
Sometimes we narrow our focus on fighting against because it’s part of our career or to protect our families, or because we are battling an illness that doesn’t always allow us to choose. But often, it’s because we haven’t allowed ourselves to want freely without feeling guilty that it means taking something away from someone else.
What we choose to give our attention to becomes the reality in which we live. If shifting your attention away from negativity and toward limitless possibility seems impossible, perhaps you too have been denying yourself that compassionate introspection. Good is not simply the absence of bad. To be able to see the potential for good in the world, we need to first cultivate it within ourselves. We need to focus on the self to be able to fight selflessly. Self-care is never selfish. Nurturing ourselves is the only way to truly care for others, and the only way to effectively choose between the red side and the green.
As you step out into the world today, what will you choose to focus on? What color is your cape?
Choose wisely, and take the time you deserve to reevaluate, rebuild, and redefine.
With Love,
Mel
