ASMR: Masturbation for Your Brain
The Unwrapping
I was first introduced to ASMR when my ex-husband emailed me a YouTube video a few years ago with a really vague explanation, something like “This is bizarre. You’re gonna love it.” The video was of a petite, blonde 20-something female wrapping various gifts, and narrating the entire process in a soft, annunciated whisper. As an individual who is both fascinated with human behavior AND who dropped a class entirely in high school because of the way my teacher pronounced her T’s, (They were unnecessarily pointed!) I was instantly captivated. The girl in the video very slowly and deliberately walked the viewer through the entire gift-wrapping process. She went on to showcase the various tools in her arsenal, paying special attention to the unique sounds each made. She proceeded to run her finger along the long, smooth blade of the scissors, and delicately tore a single piece of tape from a dispenser. The emphasis of the video was clearly on the various sounds she was making with her voice and various accessories, and it was insane, and I loved it. It also kinda felt like something I shouldn’t be watching. But I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why listening to some doe-eyed millennial methodically wrap gifts felt so…kinky.
First Encounters of the Hypnotic Kind
When I was in my early teens, I attended an overnight summer camp. In the effort to both hone my musical talents and simultaneously avoid any sort of athletic participation, I signed up for “Advanced Guitar with Agnes.” Agnes was an outdoors-y looking, 30-year-old woman with light brown skin and wild auburn curls down to her shoulders. She also had the most gentle, soothing and hypnotic voice I have ever heard come out of another human. When Agnes spoke, it sounded like honey, and felt like a long hot shampoo from your favorite hairdresser. She pronounced the word “gee-tar” with a slightly rolled r at the end that immediately rendered me catatonic and is probably why I still can’t play the guitar to save my life.
This is first time I remember having a physiological response to another person’s voice. But what exactly was it that I was experiencing? If Agnes was in fact a human camp counselor and not some extra-terrestrial siren sent to Earth to brainwash campers into joining her weird guitar-themed space-cult with her sexy voice, then what exactly was it that I had experienced?!
ASMR: An Introduction
The abbreviation ASMR stands for ”Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response” which Wikipedia defines as a tingling sensation that begins on the scalp, and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. This calming, pleasurable reaction, sometimes referred to as a “head orgasm” occurs in response to what are referred to as “triggers” (not to be confused with being “trigger-ed.”) ASMR has been reported as being an effective way to improve mood, promote relaxation, reduce anxiety, and be honest, I had you at “head orgasm.”
The best way to listen to ASMR is with headphones, to enhance the binaural effect, which simply means the recordings are done using two microphones so they can be transmitted separately into each ear. Now, I know you’re probably thinking, “I don’t want to listen to some nutcase wrap presents.” But hear me out. ASMR isn’t limited to random, mundane tasks. There’s more. MUCH more.
I will say, I do notice that ASMR recordings also seem to enhance the little sounds between words because of the way it’s recorded, so I definitely wouldn’t recommend it to those with misophonia, who might be sensitive to certain repetitive sounds like chewing, dripping water, or repetitive tapping.
An ASMR for All Seasons
If it is a thing or a sound that people can make with their bodies, there is probably an ASMR recording of it. The most common type of ASMR sound is whispering, followed by any sound one could potentially make with their nails. People LOVE nails apparently, so there’s a lot of tapping and scratching stuff floating around out there. A lot of ASMR involves manipulating specific items (like our nutcase friend with her gift wrapping) and there’s a WHOLE lot of what I would describe as “administrative tasks” which would be any kind of typing, writing, and the turning or crinkling of pages.
But wait! There’s more!
A lot of ASMR seems to revolve around the theme of personal attention because let’s face it, who doesn’t crave personal attention?! These recordings involve different kinds of simulated massage and touching, most of which is focused on the head since this is where those highly sought-after brain tingles originate. And because I can read your mind, the answer is yes. Of course, erotic ASMR is a thing. Heck, there’s even an ASMR video of a middle-aged Jewish woman eating rye bread! What a world!
And if right about now you’re thinking to yourself, “How is this even a thing?!” Well, let me tell you, not only is it a thing, it’s a BIG thing. This past year, YouTube’s “Gentle Whispering” ASMR channel alone raked in approximately $130,000. So, slap on those acrylic nails, hit record and get filing ladies!
The Quest for Brain Tingles
But, as popular and apparently socially acceptable as ASMR has become, part of me can’t get past the idea that it still feels a little… wrong. Perhaps this can be attributed to the fact that we are taught to associate any type of pleasurable stimulation with physical masturbation, which is indeed sexual, and private, and not encouraged, or welcomed in social situations, (Louis). But if your mind is even half as filthy as mine, it’s got you wondering, “What’s my kink?”
Determined to experience some of these incredible brain tingles for myself, I sought to answer that very question. I discovered very quickly that the whole whispering thing, was most definitely not for me. It just reminded me of being a kid, when you’d press your ear to the wall and listen to your parents deliberate different ways to punish you for not cleaning your room. The object manipulation stuff was interesting, but the tapping really bothered me, and all the administrative stuff just reminded me of being back at my office job (SO not pleasurable.)
But then I came across something interesting. I found it quite by accident as YouTube started making recommendations based on my now wildly erratic search history. Tibetan singing bowls. I had only ever seen these things before in New Age-y shops and the personal Facebook page of a girl from high school who got really into crystals. But there was something intriguing about the way this tall lanky, non-descript man spoke, as he gently struck the various bowls. Perhaps it was his unidentifiable accent, or his likely deviated septum, or the low hum in the background, but when they all came together in conjunction with his instructions to focus on the back of my scalp, I felt something. It was by no means a head orgasm, but it was least head second base!
Perhaps there was something to this ASMR stuff. The more I read up on it, the more it made sense. As it turns out, much like the phenomenon I wrote about in my Vision Boards post, the human brain is incapable of deciphering between real and perceived attention. So, when I’m lying in bed listening to Demetri tap various bowls with a mallet in what I can only imagine is his mother’s basement, my brain reacts as if I’m in that basement with him (and probably assumes I’ve been abducted.)
Stimulate Me
What’s exciting about discovering ASMR, isn’t that we’ve found a new, sneakier way to get ourselves off, but rather that we’ve tapped into a new kind of way to feel stimulated altogether. In a world where we are surrounded by dangerous temptation, whether in the form of drugs, or alcohol, or unhealthy food, it’s exciting and promising to know that there are in fact ways to make ourselves feel good that don’t involve some kind of self-sabotage. This experience has definitely inspired me to keep exploring, and I hope this post has done the same for you. Of course, if you’re still kind of weirded out by the whole thing, you could always just go outside and listen to the birds. Birds sound nice too.
Reevaluate, Rebuild, and Redefine. (Always.)
With Love,
Mel
